I love the movie Revenge of the Nerds. I was probably 12 the first time I watched it.

At the time, seeing Lewis make off with the cheerleader in the end was the highlight of the movie for me. Well, besides the sorority house scene, but that was probably a highlight for every geeky 12 year old.

Fast forward a few years. I’m in college. A couple of buddies on my floor are on the cheer squad so I tag along to all their parties and awkwardly try to work my magic on the cheerleaders. Oddly enough it goes nowhere and only increases my eagerness to date a cheerleader.

No luck, no luck, and then finally I get my chance. I’m not in college anymore, but I’m still living in Kansas City. I find out my cousin’s dance teacher is a Chiefs cheerleader. I’m going to the next Chiefs game, and I score an introduction planned for after the game.The stars are aligning.

So it’s the day of the game. I arrive with my crew a few hours early for the tailgate, and I’m a little nervous for the introduction. A couple beers will help, right?

My seats are in the end zone, and wouldn’t you know it, it’s the same endzone where my soon-to-be cheerleader girlfriend is performing at halftime. I have literally a front row seat.

I’ve made friends with some of my neighbors at this point, and over the course of the first half I share some of my story with the older gentleman sitting next to me. Well, the couple beers lead to a couple more, and I am maybe more ambitious than I should be.

“She’s the one. Right there.” I point her out. “She’s the one who’s gonna have my babies.”


And more silence.

I start to think maybe that was the wrong thing to say. And then I finally hear it.

“That’s my granddaughter. I don’t like your chances.”

And that’s the moment I learn a valuable lesson…


I never did get that introduction, but I got over my infatuation with cheerleaders, and I started paying better attention to who was hearing my story.

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